Yo, b.
Came up in this hospital (finally getting my medical, which gets me closer to receiving my residency papers and making me legal here for a longer period of time) to see a hundred men in a room and a Qatari security barking at me "What do want?!"
Yo. Took a lot not to tell him, "My man, don't play wit' me, I'll slap u out here." He saw where I was coming from and I got sent to a different line. Good. Hoping it stays cool.
Ok, so, my colleague is white and he was just switched out with a better number than mine, even though I was first. So I went back up to get a better number. His is still one ahead though.
So at this next line, check this out - they skipped him again, then lumped me with the non-whites. I banged on the window and they looked at me like I was crazy. They don't get that type of behavior here so they called in a translator. I said, "So these numbers (the number I still had in my hand) mean nothing?" He politely rambled something amounting to "No," and crumbled it after taking it like it was top secret. I thought it was a special ticket. Expecting this doesn't make it any less frustrating. So I raised more hell, to only slight avail. They hit me with the "no speaka English" then tried to take care of me. Thank u to the helpful dark man, btw. Maybe a black Qatari. He told me what the rest of the process would be. While standing in phlebotomy line, another white man was skipped thru. I was furious and grilled him for everyone. He looked as happy as he should look. Wasn't his fault though. And honestly, I feel bad for the little preferential treatment I got.
The doctors were cool to me. I'm on x-ray line now. I will say that the American passport at least changes how they talk to me (and if it didn't, I WOULD)....wowwww, my colleague just got skipped AGAIN. The BLACK security took VIPs (I knew those tickets meant something), didn't even look at me. Came back and put him in very FRONT of VIP line. I actually waited about 120 seconds (proud of myself). Then I went up to security and said, "I'm from the same school as him, do I get moved also, or do I stay on the other line..." And before I could finish my sentence with "...because I'm not white?" he looked at my passport and put me at front of VIP line. Although it represents a lot I'm conflicted about, I know my colleague did nothing and (maybe?) feels guilty. I feel guilty for skipping. I don't want the pressure of the feeling of being at the front, in front of all these dark labourers. So I told him to stay there. But I did stand behind him. We were not only skipped, but skipped to the front of VIP. VIP in a hospital. For being American, but really, for him, for being white, bc he didn't have to do anything be skipped.
When I get in front of medical staff, I literally have to find opportunities to speak so they know l'm American. I hope this is the last line. This is getting tiring....I hate that I now feel a way about holding the door open for my colleague while I'm here and letting him walk in front of me. I mean, I'm a nice person, I do those things. I hate that I'm thinking about how it looks. I hate that there are people who invalidate my feelings by saying "I should feel this/that way" or that it's a problem I create bc of perception. Racism sucks more than some will ever know. And no one knows how it feels for a black man. Y'all think its games. Yea I joke also, mostly to keep from spazzing. The knowledge of self I do have helps me a lot. But please don't tell me that I should just be secure or it's about my perception and stuff like that. My shoes would burn through the soles of your feet, so don't do that. It's just...you know, it sucks. It is what it is. It doesn't have to take on any life beyond that. Anyway, we're finished way quicker than we should be. Gonna catch a nap until the ladies are done.
P.S. They told us to wait for 5 minutes before going outside after the x-ray. Wtf? Scares the hell outta me.
Came up in this hospital (finally getting my medical, which gets me closer to receiving my residency papers and making me legal here for a longer period of time) to see a hundred men in a room and a Qatari security barking at me "What do want?!"
Yo. Took a lot not to tell him, "My man, don't play wit' me, I'll slap u out here." He saw where I was coming from and I got sent to a different line. Good. Hoping it stays cool.
Ok, so, my colleague is white and he was just switched out with a better number than mine, even though I was first. So I went back up to get a better number. His is still one ahead though.
So at this next line, check this out - they skipped him again, then lumped me with the non-whites. I banged on the window and they looked at me like I was crazy. They don't get that type of behavior here so they called in a translator. I said, "So these numbers (the number I still had in my hand) mean nothing?" He politely rambled something amounting to "No," and crumbled it after taking it like it was top secret. I thought it was a special ticket. Expecting this doesn't make it any less frustrating. So I raised more hell, to only slight avail. They hit me with the "no speaka English" then tried to take care of me. Thank u to the helpful dark man, btw. Maybe a black Qatari. He told me what the rest of the process would be. While standing in phlebotomy line, another white man was skipped thru. I was furious and grilled him for everyone. He looked as happy as he should look. Wasn't his fault though. And honestly, I feel bad for the little preferential treatment I got.
The doctors were cool to me. I'm on x-ray line now. I will say that the American passport at least changes how they talk to me (and if it didn't, I WOULD)....wowwww, my colleague just got skipped AGAIN. The BLACK security took VIPs (I knew those tickets meant something), didn't even look at me. Came back and put him in very FRONT of VIP line. I actually waited about 120 seconds (proud of myself). Then I went up to security and said, "I'm from the same school as him, do I get moved also, or do I stay on the other line..." And before I could finish my sentence with "...because I'm not white?" he looked at my passport and put me at front of VIP line. Although it represents a lot I'm conflicted about, I know my colleague did nothing and (maybe?) feels guilty. I feel guilty for skipping. I don't want the pressure of the feeling of being at the front, in front of all these dark labourers. So I told him to stay there. But I did stand behind him. We were not only skipped, but skipped to the front of VIP. VIP in a hospital. For being American, but really, for him, for being white, bc he didn't have to do anything be skipped.
When I get in front of medical staff, I literally have to find opportunities to speak so they know l'm American. I hope this is the last line. This is getting tiring....I hate that I now feel a way about holding the door open for my colleague while I'm here and letting him walk in front of me. I mean, I'm a nice person, I do those things. I hate that I'm thinking about how it looks. I hate that there are people who invalidate my feelings by saying "I should feel this/that way" or that it's a problem I create bc of perception. Racism sucks more than some will ever know. And no one knows how it feels for a black man. Y'all think its games. Yea I joke also, mostly to keep from spazzing. The knowledge of self I do have helps me a lot. But please don't tell me that I should just be secure or it's about my perception and stuff like that. My shoes would burn through the soles of your feet, so don't do that. It's just...you know, it sucks. It is what it is. It doesn't have to take on any life beyond that. Anyway, we're finished way quicker than we should be. Gonna catch a nap until the ladies are done.
P.S. They told us to wait for 5 minutes before going outside after the x-ray. Wtf? Scares the hell outta me.
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