Flashin'...Lights

So they have something here never I've seen before. It's a traffic light that pretty much means "everybody can go." As in, from all directions, all at the same damn time. It's a flashing yellow, something I wasn't familiar with before moving to Doha. There's green, which of course means go, red, which should mean stop and this flashing yellow thing which apparently means "you crazy kids get in there and mix it the fuck up." This light only exists at the roundabouts, which is better than the intersections, I guess. You can just imagine the free-for-all induced by this.  With an impatient "me-first" culture, more cars on the road then necessary, and the horrendous driving that is so common here, the flashing yellow, which was probably meant to be a courteous agreement between drivers when the country was a bit more quaint, now seems like an experiment in "let's confuse, anger and injure the ex-pat." The best strategy when approaching the flashing yellow? Fearlessness. Don't hesitate or overthink, just do as the Rom.., er, I mean the Qataris do, and eat that light the hell up. If you come out of the roundabout with you and your car intact, you've done a good job. Go have a sheesha and relax your nerves.

"Let It Rock" - How And When I Get Zen On That @ss

So, let me please share this with you. How my experience as a black male here is intertwined with aspects of my health journey. Health, right, is not just food, exercise, doctor visits, skin care, etc. It's also the relationships, time management, spiritual practices and such.

So, I notice that I never know how I'm going to be treated when it comes to customer service in the increasingly elitist Arab country I live in. I often see the person providing it (more often than not a Filipino, but sometimes African, south/southeast Asian or Arab) fall over themselves in submission to the white or Arab before me, then treat me with anything from curt indifference to terse politeness. Reasons can be many but this isn't about that. As a health practitioner, I look to stay in balance in all aspects of my life, so aside from eating and working out, I have to apply varying degrees of effort in dealing with social interactions. Unfortunately, as a black man, I have to expend much greater energy, than say, a white mom, when it comes to my everyday interactions. I may have to ask for service when they don't. I may have to hold back my anger or frustration and do something else with it so it doesn't become self-harming where a white man wouldn't have to ever worry about that. I may have to do more convincing and proving when explaining why I'm a good fit to tutor a kid, even in comparison to a way less experienced young white girl straight out of college. I may have to check on my maintenance request multiple times because building staff doesn't see my requests as pressing as they see the request that came from the Arab family.


Hopefully, like anything else in life, the energy I have to constantly devote to these things makes me stronger. This morning I made some requests that were answered, but not with the same attention to detail as the person before me (or the average person in my fancy schmancy building) received. Sometimes I think the staff wonders how I'm able to live here, particularly because I don't work during the day. I want to say "Hey, I live here, so obviously I'm living here under valid and legal circumstances. I'm not squatting."

I'm from New York, I'm used to customer device being a roll of the dice. It's different here though. The city runs on it, and many jobs depend on it because there is a seemingly inexhaustible supply of service workers who have the opportunity to make more money here, willing to step into another's position, even with the horrors that the jobs can entail. Is it right? Of course not. That's the society. The society is also rigidly stratified and I float somewhere on the outside. On any given day, my place depends on whether I'm perceived as American or African, professional or blue collar, young and single or a family man, can I be put into a neat stereotype or am I something unexpected.

So when I'm rushed along while being serviced, or given an attitude or not afforded the same level of service as one of the other groups I mentioned, I have to choose my reaction carefully. The angry and negative reactions I've chosen over time just build up negative energy within me. Instead, I have to go to a better place, spiritually. It's a work in progress. Trying to understand why a receptionist or store clerk thinks they can treat me like I'm at the bottom of the totem pole doesn't work all the time. I'm not always ok with having to "go in" or prove through my speech, credentials or extended interaction that I'm someone to be respected either. It's also not always enough to remember that "The black man is god, we are all powerful, they hate us because they love us, I have knowledge of self so nothing can phase me, yada yada."

Sometimes I want to lash out. But I don't. You can't let things in the world make you who you're not, force you to do something that isn't a good look for you. I'm a nice guy, I just am. I'm direct, clear and assertive, but I'm nice. Sometimes I'm a bit vengeful, admittedly. I don't want to intimidate and scare people into treating me correctly, even though doing so would be easy. That doesn't feel good. You can't let the world make you into a crappier version of yourself. If you're a good dude and the girls around you seem to want "bad boys," let it rock, it'll even out for you. But becoming a bad boy will be a bad look for your soul. If you're a reserved person, and it seems like the loud, obnoxious people are getting what they want, let them rock. You don't like those people, don't become one. Your way can work too.


When I'm faced with uneven treatment here, sometimes I just have to learn to let it rock. That's my zen statement. Letting it rock is not easily defined. It's not simply letting it go, overlooking it, or understanding what it is. It's more like "being like the water." Water is all-powerful and all-submissive at the same time. Water doesn't fight against, but it's also constantly imposing it's will and serving it's purpose in the most natural way it can. You may be able to manipulate and take advantage of it, but it reigns (rains) over you from the inside out. It's in control of itself, therefore in control of all around it. Those descriptions of water is what letting it rock feels like. It's not an easy thing, but it's a part of my health practice that is simultaneously unique to certain situations and applicable to any.

The 6'3", fit, blond white guy in the suit who checks all the "respectability" boxes doesn't have to ever be concerned with learning to let it rock within the same circumstances that I do. But he'll have his instances as well. It's just that, I have to devote myself to this spiritual practice in a different manner than most. No one said balancing a healthy body, mind and soul would be easy. If they did, they lie!